this is one of my random thoughts that i have been keeping since i was a child, and i think i found the answer, though i have yet truly found it:

lately, i have been thinking about me-self... it's just that i don't think i'm special... it's not that i'm not all-Christian now...

ok... let's start over...

lately, i have been thinking about me-self... i know i am special in a certain way... God has given everyone someting special in their life, but i don't think i can feel or i have discovered that something special yet. i have been thinking about people in movies, characters in rpg games, and they are very special characters, who can save their family, their society, their town, or even the world!

and yes, my heart always shout "wow!" when i see these kind of people. and i adore them.

passion. strength. courage - something i don't think i have...

the question that i have always ask myself since i was small still lingers in my mind: can i be someone special? how? who? why? WHEN?!

as ridiculous as this may sound, i want to be a hero in an rpg game. they already have their mission in life shown in front of them. and they can do it easily with so many loyal friends. and most of all, they have many chances to load after their deaths. they have powerful weapons. they can fight evil without losing!

i realised that i am like them in a way. in Christ, we have a powerful weapon, the Holy Spirit. we have many loyal brothers and sisters. we have a lot of chances to repent and restart again. and we can fight evil without losing!!.....

... ... ...can i?

life is tough... it's unpredictable. there's no "gamefaqs" to help us go through life. facing consequences is just part of it. IF YOU LOSE, LOAD YOUR GAME! start again! never give up! we are someone special, if we want to be someone special! and i want to be someone special! and until that day when i become someone special, i will not stop finding who i am truly.

just continue striving!

God bless you all!